A Tough Dose of Reality for a Mama's Heart

“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry and you gave me food  to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.’ Hungry not only for bread — but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing — but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks — but homeless because of rejection.” ~ Mother Teresa

I came across this quote a day or two ago. It wasn't long after a somewhat heart wrenching experience in the Kipsongo slum. It hasn't left my train of thought ever since I read it. There's a lot of truth in those words. Along with that truth comes a hard look at our own motives and desires. After that inward look comes a time of reflection, and after the reflection comes a point of decision. I suppose to get the full picture of what all I mean, I need to go back and give you a little insight into what I experienced this last week.

On Saturday, Jim, myself, Richard, and a team from Rosslyn Academy in Nairobi went into the slum to do some clean up work. We ended up bringing some of the children from the children's home as well to work alongside those kids from Rosslyn. I had been in the slum before and seen the looks of heartache and desperation on the faces of some that live there. I had seen the half naked children running around with no one seeming to notice what they were doing. This time was different. This time, I noticed Seeds Academy uniforms hanging on the clotheslines to dry. I knew that somewhere there was one of my sweet kiddos running around. I noticed the eyes of the children we passed searching for someone to take them away from the dirt and the smell and the chaos and get them somewhere safe. And then suddenly I felt a small hand grab hold of mine. Five tiny fingers wrapped around two of mine holding on as tightly as possible. I looked down and saw huge chocolate brown eyes and a small smile.  The group stopped moving and began clearing an area and I totally expected the small kid next to me to run off in the group of others following us around. He didn't leave. He just stood there, completely satisfied to hold my hand and say nothing more. Then I had a chance to look down and study him. Beyond those brown eyes, I saw hair that has turned a sharp metallic color, a protruding stomach, skinny legs, flies swarming, and an ear that was leaking greenish fluid. By all standards, he was a mess, malnourished severely, likely infested with worms, and suffering with a nasty ear infection. Without help, that little guy's life may not be very long. I knew that for sure. I wanted to run back to the school, grab the medications I could to help him, and at least know that in some way I gave him a little bit longer of a life. That's when the reality of it all set in. 

Helping one child is great, but what about the others that are in the same or worse situations? What about the adults suffering?  How do I pick and choose who to help and who to let fend for themselves? The reality of the situation is this, if I get the medication for one child I am opening Pandora's Box. The needs are endless. The needs are real, but I can't fix it all. I can't save them all. The best I can do for now is to open my eyes to the needs around me and do what I can with what I have got where I am. Sometimes that means dosing out medication to a child at school who is sick. Sometimes it means putting money in with other people to help a community or group in need. Sometimes it means hitting my knees in prayer and letting God sort out the rest. 

The toughest dose of reality for this missionary girl was seeing that little guy holding on so tightly and realizing that no matter what I did for him, it would only be temporary. Sure we could give him the medicine that would clear up the ear infection, this time. Sure we could even give him the medication to deworm him, this time. There's no guarantee that his guardian would give him the medicine as he needed it until he was well. The medicine would fix the problem this time, but what about a few weeks from now when the worms returned or there was another infection? It is all too easy to turn a kind deed into a never ending cycle of giving that fails to resolve the true problem. 

Doses of reality are toughest in these kinds of situations I think, and then that still small voice creeps in and reminds me of what I am doing. I noticed that sick boy and for the short time I was with him, I showed him all the love I could. It wasn't much, but it was something. God isn't looking for perfect people to do things for Him. All He's looking for is a willing servant to be where He wants them available to do whatever is asked of them.  I wonder sometimes if when we are dirty in our sins if we look something like a child in the Kipsongo slum to God. He sees past our dirty exterior into our hearts. Perhaps if we took the time to see others like that, we'd begin to see some changes in the world. 

Adjusting... Well, sort of

I think I had a very mistaken impression of what life was going to be like when I got back from Africa. I thought that I would get off the plane, come home, and pick up right where I left off. Relationships would be the same. I would find a job and life would get right back into its normal pattern. I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried.

Nothing was the same. I wasn't the same person as when I left to go to Africa.  My house wasn't the same. People weren't the same. Everything felt so different and strange. Life is not falling back into that familiar pattern. I feel like I just can't get settled in most of the time.  Relationships are no where near the same as they were when I left. Attempting to get back into the swing of life in America proved to be much more of a challenge than I had originally anticipated. America was sensory overload for me. I couldn't seem to handle the most basic of choices. Looking at a menu was overwhelming. Add to that sense of being overwhelmed, the absolute sadness I felt at leaving behind my fiancé, the kids I had grown to love and cherish, the very place where I felt most at home and like I belonged, along with the utter exhaustion of having not slept much in two days, and you've got an almost certain meltdown on your hands.

Meltdown...function normally... Meltdown...function normally... Meltdown, meltdown, meltdown... function normally... That seemed to be the cycle I was in for the first few days. I could hold it together for a little bit, but then you could just about guarantee that I was going to lose my composure and cry. I cried over the most ridiculous of things... seeing a picture of one of the kids, getting a message from my fiancé, telling a story from my trip, talking about the wedding. Emotions were high and raw, and in reality no one understood. I got responses from "Oh I'm sorry" to "You know you really need to suck it up and deal with it." What I needed was someone to just listen. No judgment. No advice. Just listen to my stories. Hear me when I say that I am overwhelmed and my heart hurts. Hear me when I say that I need to just breathe and take it all in. Hear me when I tell you that it feels like I don't belong anymore. Hear what I can't say. Look in my eyes. See the hurt and the pain and the frustration and all of the emotion that come with this life change. But whatever you do, don't tell me that I need to get over it already.

 What I know is that I will never get over it. I will never be the same person I was when I left to go to Africa. You wouldn't be either. In some way, Africa changes you. In some way, it makes you completely different. That's what I know. That's what I am certain of.

As for now, I am becoming more and more acclimated to life in the United Sates again. I am in full on wedding planning mode. I am in full time working mode again too. I honestly believe that having more to do with my time than sit in my living room and stare at the walls is going to be extremely beneficial to my sanity.

This journey that I began in June is far from over. In fact if I had to take my best guess, I'd say that the best parts of the journey are yet to come.

Until next time,
Melody

The Adventure Isn't Over

Landing in Houston, Texas on Tuesday October 1st felt like the end of a three month long adventure. The minute the wheels touched down on the runway, tears flooded my eyes. I wanted nothing more than for the plane to turn around and fly me straight back to Nairobi. It felt like the life I had known for so long was just over. It seemed as though too much was changing too fast. I was suddenly in the middle of a life that I hadn't known for three months and I was overwhelmed. I am not sure why it all overwhelmed me so much, but it did. Simple choices became the most difficult decisions of my entire life. It was not something I expected to happen once I was back on somewhat familiar ground. It was completely shocking to me that such little things took my breath away. It is slowly but surely getting easier and easier to adjust to life in America once again.  

The reality of the situation is this, I am not done with my adventures in Africa. There are many more adventures to be had in the nation of Kenya for this world traveler. There are children to teach, songs to sing, stories to tell, and so many other things. I know that it won't be that long before I am headed back there to fulfill the work that God has planned for me there. I didn't meet children like these for no reason. There is purpose for me to be in Kenya. Look at these faces!

This is Sophia. She has the most beautiful smile. Ever since her first night at the orphanage, she come running to quickly find me whenever I am there. She refuses to let me out of her sight for more than a couple of minutes. It was all too easy to fall in love with her smile and gorgeous eyes. She doesn't speak much English and I don't speak much Swahili, but that doesn't stop us from communicating. She knows that I love her and I know she feels the same way. All she really wants is someone to spend a little time with her and let her know that she is special to them. I hope and pray that that message got to her through our time together. I am ready to see her again! 

This is Button. Isn't he the cutest little guy? From nearly day one, this little guy has captured a piece of my heart. He is extremely loving and sweet. He is creative and can make a toy out of nearly anything he finds on the ground. He loves to play in the dirt! I was privileged to be able to meet this ray of sunshine during my time in Kenya and just like Sophia I am ready to get back to see him again!

These are just two of the faces that stole a small piece of my heart. The biggest piece of my heart was stolen by a missionary man that just amazes me. His love for children that aren't biologically his is precious to me. The way he is so passionate about teaching God's word to them is priceless. The way he made sure I was well taken care of and protected, invaluable. I couldn't even begin to tell you all of the things that I love about him. Perhaps one day I will be more emotionally able to share some of the stories that showed me his true character. For now I think I will just let the pictures do the talking for me. 

 The two of us and Button and another of the kids. With the hoodie on I am not sure which child that might be with us. I have made some amazing memories in that common room at the orphanage!

 Supper time together at the house... Many memories at that table in the living room at Hospitality House! 

 Hide and Seek at Hospitality House... quite possibly one of the best days I spent in Kenya! The smile on Mike's face says it all. 

 Looking for fruits in the front yard... I don't know what they were talking about, but it certainly looks like Mercy is trying to prove her point. 

 Meeting Harriet for the first time! What an incredible day! This was just one of a million interactions that I saw take place that showed me more and more of Jim's true character.

 These two girls just love him! (And so do I!)

I love his smile!

I hope that in the days to come I will be able to share more of the stories that absolutely changes my life while I was in Kenya. For today, though, I ask that you pray for me. I ask that you pray that my emotions become less and less raw, that the adjustment to being in the United States becomes easier, and that my time here will be productive. Along with planning a wedding to the man of my dreams, I need to find a job and begin to raise funds for this next adventure. Please let me know if you would be interested in helping support two missionaries with a love for Jesus and the people of the nation of Kenya! 

Until next time, 

Melody

Finding Love in .... an Amazing Place

Dr. Charles Stanley is quoted as saying,"Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for."

Being willing to wait isn't something Americans are accustomed to. We don't have to wait to get home to call someone, we have a cell phone. We don't have to know how to look things up in a dictionary or an encyclopedia, we use the internet. We don't have to wait for a meal to be cooked on the stove or in the oven, we have the microwave. We don't have to wait for things anymore. It has just become the normal way of life. Waiting isn't fun. It isn't easy to be still and wait for those things that are the deepest desires of you heart. Trust me I know. I have been there and experienced it. 

Rushing through things is part of my norm I suppose. I am so used to having to rush from thing to thing from being so overly-scheduled. I am used to being busy from the time I get up to the time I lay back down at night. So for me this season of waiting has been particularly difficult. Even more so when it, at times, felt like I was completely alone in this whole waiting game. I know I wasn't really alone, but when you are the only single person in your group of friends, it has a tendency to make you feel that way. I knew that what I was waiting for was out there somewhere, but it seemed like just as I was getting close enough to reach out and grab onto it, it would suddenly become farther and farther away. That is until, I obeyed the call to come to Africa in July. 

Three months ago when I left America, I honestly had no idea how this trip was going to turn out. I got onto a plane and knew that once I landed I was going to stay until the end of August. I knew that I was going to meet a man that other people had told me was perfect for me. What I didn't know is that I was going to lose my heart in the process. I didn't really know that I was going to find once I landed in Kenya, but I knew that somewhere in the middle of all of this hopelessness, there was going to be something amazing waiting for me. Did I know that I would be coming home with an engagement ring and a promise of becoming Mrs. Jim Cooper shortly after I got home? Nope not at all what was on my agenda for this trip. It was on God's agenda. It is all falling into place just as He wants it to. 

The thing that still amazes me is that I can remember being about 12 years old at camp one summer and clearly hearing the voice of God telling me that I was going to be a missionary one day with my husband. I can also remember laughing and saying "No thanks, I like it in America just fine. Pick someone else." I dismissed it. I pushed it to the side and went on ahead with my own thoughts and dreams and plans. Now I am sitting here wondering, what if I had said yes to begin with. What would have happened then? Would Jim and I have met sooner, been together longer? I don't have an answer for those questions.

What I do know at this time is that God is taking things that were broken and messed up and turning them into something beautiful and usable for His purposes. Coming to Africa was the best decision of my life. In the midst of brokenness, hopelessness, and sadness, I have found love. More love than I can comprehend most days. I am learning more about love that I thought possible. 

My encouragement to you from Kenya for today, consider the things that you are waiting for and what value you place on them. If it is something you really, really value, you'll be willing to wait. And trust me on this one, waiting on God to bring you just the right thing at just the right time is ALWAYS worth it. What God brings to you will be by far better than anything you could wish or hope for and will most likely be more than what you could imagine!

~Melody~

Running to Your Arms

Somehow, I think I was given a rare opportunity to see something perhaps how God would view something. I know you must be thinking that I am just a bit crazy, but hear me out and then make your decision about what I am saying. 

Recently one of the girls at the orphanage discovered the song Forever Reign on my iPhone. She listened to it on repeat for as long as she could while I was out there visiting. The lyrics of the chorus began to get stuck in my head, and I could almost hear them in my sleep. 

"And oh I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms. 

The riches of your love will always be enough, 

Nothing compares to your embrace, 

Light of the World forever reign."

I love this song and probably love it even more now that I am seeing it through this new view. 

Yesterday afternoon, at the orphanage, one of the girls waved exuberantly from the window of the bus. She had a huge smile on her face, and you could tell she couldn't wait to get off of the bus. She is one of the new girls at the orphanage, and let me tell you she is just precious. I was standing by the bus door with Jim greeting the kids as they got off, and when it was her turn to finally get off the bus she came running out the door and into my arms ready for a tight hug and a quick greeting. She has one of the most beautiful smiles, I mean really, really beautiful. It is the kind of a smile that would melt the iciest of hearts. She repeated the smiling, running, and hugging gesture several times throughout the time we were there. Every time it was with the same exuberance of joy! In the middle of all of this, I hear a voice whispering to my heart, "Melody, this is what it looks like every time you turn to Me. Every time you pray, praise, sing, worship, this is how it is." WHOA! 

Can you just picture this with me? Every time we call on the Lord, it is like we are running into His arms once again. I imagine it to be even more joyful the first time that we truly run into His arms at the time of our salvation, but oh my what a picture this is, being warmly received into the arms of a loving Savior each and every time we call on Him. I am so thankful for the experiences I have had while being here in Kenya since the 30th of June. (Wow I can't believe it has been that long already. It seems like I just got here a day or two ago...) Getting to see this picture of how God sees us when we run to Him was just an amazing experience that I feel certain isn't really being adequately retold with just my words, but it's the best I've got at this point. I hope that perhaps today you will choose to run into His arms and experience the joy and love and peace that only comes from being in His presence. Enjoy your day and make the most of the experiences you have where you are with what you have doing what you can.

Until next time,

Melody

Prayers that Avail Much

Children standing in a large circle holding hands and singing songs in both Swahili and English... "Ni wewe, ni wewe bwana, ni wewe, ni wewe bwana..." Probably my most favorite song to hear them sing in the devotions circle. Picture that same circle with the children reciting memory verses, reading passages of scripture and explaining what they believe that passage is teaching them, and then those same children fearlessly offering prayers that come straight from their hearts. Pure and unselfish prayers. Can you just imagine how different the world and our circumstances would be if we only had the courage to pray such prayers?

Praying is nothing to be taken lightly. It is serious business. Whether the prayers be for forgiveness, intercession, thanksgiving, they are a time of deep communication with the One who has all of the answers we are seeking. Am I saying that you will always get the answer that you are seeking? Nope not at all. I can tell you several stories of prayers that I have prayed that have been answered, just not in the way that I thought they were going to be answered. 

Have you ever listened to a child pray? If not, then I encourage you to listen to them. They are some of the sweetest prayer people ever. They pray with innocence. I can remember in Sunday school listening to a little girl praying for her family because they left the keys in the house and they were locked out. She prayed for them to always remember where they keys were. Innocent.. There were no strings attached. She just prayed about what was on her heart and in her mind to pray. They pray with a pure heart. They aren't jaded by the circumstances of the world. They aren't so filled with negativity that they can't see past their own noses. I have listened to countless children pray while here in Kenya. They pray with such gusto and passion. They are bold in their requests. They pray for those who are sick and hurting. They pray for their families. They pray for each other. They pray for the nation of Kenya. They pray with reckless abandon. They leave everything they have in their hearts in the hands of God, because they know that without Him, they are going to be in trouble. 

What do you pray for when you pray? Are you praying dangerous prayers? Are your prayers safe and easy? I have noticed that as of late my prayers have changed dramatically. I am not praying the same safe and easy prayers I have prayed in the past. They have become much more bold. I have been praying for direction in regards to a longer term trip back to Kenya in less than four months after I return from the first trip here. I have been praying bolder prayers in regards to my relationship with a certain Kenya missionary. I have been praying prayers from a hurting heart for a group of children that need all of the prayers we can send their way. I have been praying most recently for children that don't have a safe place to sleep, enough food to eat, people that look out for their well being... Children that are just waiting for someone to step up and take a chance and sponsor them. Children that are waiting to get out of their current situation and have a chance at getting an education and changing their circumstances from dismal to hopeful. 

Tonight my heart is full of things that need prayer. Want to know how you can pray? Here let me give you a list:
a. Pray for the children that are still waiting for sponsors to get them into the orphanage and out of the slums
b. Pray for the children in the orphanage. Pray for their house parents. Pray for the new girls that just arrived. Pray that they will adjust to their new living arrangements easily.
c. Pray for the teachers and staff at Seeds Academy. 
d. Pray for the health of all those involved in the ministry here in Kenya.
e. Pray for two little girls in Eldoret that just witnessed their mother kill their father and were taken into the orphanage there.
Those are just some of the things on my heart. Many of the things that are on my heart I can't share with you. But you can still pray... God knows what is on my heart! 

I encourage you to continue to pray and to pray bold prayers that don't hold anything back. Prayers that avail much... Wouldn't it be great to get to share testimonies about how we prayed these bold prayers and then marveled at what God did because of them? I look forward to sharing more of the stories from the things I have experienced here in Kenya!

Until next time!
Melody

Reckless Abandon

What comes to your mind when I say the phrase reckless abandon? A car crash being left by the one who caused the problem? A child being left carelessly on the side of the road? I am just about certain that you aren't going to get a picture of what I am going to describe to you in just a few minutes.

Consider the following definitions:
Reckless:
without thought of danger
utterly unconcerned about the consequences of some action

Abandon:
exuberantly excited
Perhaps you thought of the same meanings when I first mentioned the words, but even I was surprised at the definition for abandon. Exuberantly excited... That's pretty excited. I am picturing a child on Christmas morning, a girl getting engaged... lots of moments that would potentially lead a person to being exuberantly excited. 

Now try to get in your mind's eye a picture of a person who could be described as one of reckless abandon. A girl is getting on a airplane with three suitcases of clothes, supplies, and other things she might need, a backpack and a large bag with other essential items. She leaves behind some family members, tons of friends, and a church family that means the world to her. At the end of her journey waits a man that less than a year ago was little more than a stranger to her and now he means the world to her. She quit a good paying job, sold her car and few possessions, and is now headed 9,000 miles away from home to live out the calling that God has on her life. What do you think? Is she crazy/ Has she lost her mind? Honestly what do you think about her choices? Going to live in a third world country relying on the kindness of people she barely knows to take care of her. I guess to some it must sound a bit extreme and radical even, and to others, nothing more than the normal expected behavior. Did she become a person of reckless abandon? I think so. 

The girl had a choice to make. She could stay at home working in her comfortable job doing what she liked to do, or she could take a step of faith and follow what God is asking of her. She chose to make that step of faith and in the process is finding more and more blessings are coming her way. Going and serving the Lord doesn't require such extreme things of everyone. Some people aren't being called to the farthest reaches of the globe, they are being called to serve right in their own backyards. You don't have to go all around the world to serve the Lord with reckless abandon. You can be exuberantly excited in the work He has for you right at home. 
Consider two stories from scripture. The first is found in Mark 14. It is the story of the lady with the alabaster jar. It was filled with expensive oil that could have been sold and provided for her family for a long time. She didn't consider the consequences. She only wanted to give her best to the Lord and she broke the jar and anointed him that oil. She didn't do it for the glory of being seen doing it. She did it because it was the best should could do for Him.  She was most certainly a woman of reckless abandon. The second story I want you to consider is that of Ruth and Naomi found in Ruth 1. Naomi and her two daughters-in-law were recent widows. Naomi told the women to go back to their people. The first daughter-in-law did just that. Ruth however says this "Wherever you go I will go, wherever you stay I will stay, your people shall be my people and your God shall be my God. Where you die I shall die..." I don't know that I would have been willing to have said these things in this situation. Ruth was another woman of reckless abandon. Not thinking about the consequences of going to a foreign land, she quickly agreed to stay with her mother-in-law, and in the end was blessed abundantly for her choices. 

For those of you that know me best, you will see the similarity in this story and the one of my own that is currently being written during my time here in Kenya. While some of it has yet to come true other parts of the story are all too familiar. The things that I know right now are that Kenya is becoming more and more like home every day and I am growing closer day by day with the children and with that special missionary I have been blessed to call my boyfriend for the last (almost) two months. I want to be this woman of reckless abandon. I want to be so exuberantly excited about the path that God is walking me down that I don't stop to consider the consequences of my actions. I want to be so wholly wrapped up in Him that the consequences aren't a part of my thoughts because of my desire to be obedient. 

Today, I challenge you to find ways to be a person of reckless abandon in the places where you are.

Until next time.
Melody