Adjusting... Well, sort of

I think I had a very mistaken impression of what life was going to be like when I got back from Africa. I thought that I would get off the plane, come home, and pick up right where I left off. Relationships would be the same. I would find a job and life would get right back into its normal pattern. I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried.

Nothing was the same. I wasn't the same person as when I left to go to Africa.  My house wasn't the same. People weren't the same. Everything felt so different and strange. Life is not falling back into that familiar pattern. I feel like I just can't get settled in most of the time.  Relationships are no where near the same as they were when I left. Attempting to get back into the swing of life in America proved to be much more of a challenge than I had originally anticipated. America was sensory overload for me. I couldn't seem to handle the most basic of choices. Looking at a menu was overwhelming. Add to that sense of being overwhelmed, the absolute sadness I felt at leaving behind my fiancé, the kids I had grown to love and cherish, the very place where I felt most at home and like I belonged, along with the utter exhaustion of having not slept much in two days, and you've got an almost certain meltdown on your hands.

Meltdown...function normally... Meltdown...function normally... Meltdown, meltdown, meltdown... function normally... That seemed to be the cycle I was in for the first few days. I could hold it together for a little bit, but then you could just about guarantee that I was going to lose my composure and cry. I cried over the most ridiculous of things... seeing a picture of one of the kids, getting a message from my fiancé, telling a story from my trip, talking about the wedding. Emotions were high and raw, and in reality no one understood. I got responses from "Oh I'm sorry" to "You know you really need to suck it up and deal with it." What I needed was someone to just listen. No judgment. No advice. Just listen to my stories. Hear me when I say that I am overwhelmed and my heart hurts. Hear me when I say that I need to just breathe and take it all in. Hear me when I tell you that it feels like I don't belong anymore. Hear what I can't say. Look in my eyes. See the hurt and the pain and the frustration and all of the emotion that come with this life change. But whatever you do, don't tell me that I need to get over it already.

 What I know is that I will never get over it. I will never be the same person I was when I left to go to Africa. You wouldn't be either. In some way, Africa changes you. In some way, it makes you completely different. That's what I know. That's what I am certain of.

As for now, I am becoming more and more acclimated to life in the United Sates again. I am in full on wedding planning mode. I am in full time working mode again too. I honestly believe that having more to do with my time than sit in my living room and stare at the walls is going to be extremely beneficial to my sanity.

This journey that I began in June is far from over. In fact if I had to take my best guess, I'd say that the best parts of the journey are yet to come.

Until next time,
Melody

The Adventure Isn't Over

Landing in Houston, Texas on Tuesday October 1st felt like the end of a three month long adventure. The minute the wheels touched down on the runway, tears flooded my eyes. I wanted nothing more than for the plane to turn around and fly me straight back to Nairobi. It felt like the life I had known for so long was just over. It seemed as though too much was changing too fast. I was suddenly in the middle of a life that I hadn't known for three months and I was overwhelmed. I am not sure why it all overwhelmed me so much, but it did. Simple choices became the most difficult decisions of my entire life. It was not something I expected to happen once I was back on somewhat familiar ground. It was completely shocking to me that such little things took my breath away. It is slowly but surely getting easier and easier to adjust to life in America once again.  

The reality of the situation is this, I am not done with my adventures in Africa. There are many more adventures to be had in the nation of Kenya for this world traveler. There are children to teach, songs to sing, stories to tell, and so many other things. I know that it won't be that long before I am headed back there to fulfill the work that God has planned for me there. I didn't meet children like these for no reason. There is purpose for me to be in Kenya. Look at these faces!

This is Sophia. She has the most beautiful smile. Ever since her first night at the orphanage, she come running to quickly find me whenever I am there. She refuses to let me out of her sight for more than a couple of minutes. It was all too easy to fall in love with her smile and gorgeous eyes. She doesn't speak much English and I don't speak much Swahili, but that doesn't stop us from communicating. She knows that I love her and I know she feels the same way. All she really wants is someone to spend a little time with her and let her know that she is special to them. I hope and pray that that message got to her through our time together. I am ready to see her again! 

This is Button. Isn't he the cutest little guy? From nearly day one, this little guy has captured a piece of my heart. He is extremely loving and sweet. He is creative and can make a toy out of nearly anything he finds on the ground. He loves to play in the dirt! I was privileged to be able to meet this ray of sunshine during my time in Kenya and just like Sophia I am ready to get back to see him again!

These are just two of the faces that stole a small piece of my heart. The biggest piece of my heart was stolen by a missionary man that just amazes me. His love for children that aren't biologically his is precious to me. The way he is so passionate about teaching God's word to them is priceless. The way he made sure I was well taken care of and protected, invaluable. I couldn't even begin to tell you all of the things that I love about him. Perhaps one day I will be more emotionally able to share some of the stories that showed me his true character. For now I think I will just let the pictures do the talking for me. 

 The two of us and Button and another of the kids. With the hoodie on I am not sure which child that might be with us. I have made some amazing memories in that common room at the orphanage!

 Supper time together at the house... Many memories at that table in the living room at Hospitality House! 

 Hide and Seek at Hospitality House... quite possibly one of the best days I spent in Kenya! The smile on Mike's face says it all. 

 Looking for fruits in the front yard... I don't know what they were talking about, but it certainly looks like Mercy is trying to prove her point. 

 Meeting Harriet for the first time! What an incredible day! This was just one of a million interactions that I saw take place that showed me more and more of Jim's true character.

 These two girls just love him! (And so do I!)

I love his smile!

I hope that in the days to come I will be able to share more of the stories that absolutely changes my life while I was in Kenya. For today, though, I ask that you pray for me. I ask that you pray that my emotions become less and less raw, that the adjustment to being in the United States becomes easier, and that my time here will be productive. Along with planning a wedding to the man of my dreams, I need to find a job and begin to raise funds for this next adventure. Please let me know if you would be interested in helping support two missionaries with a love for Jesus and the people of the nation of Kenya! 

Until next time, 

Melody