Can you remember a time that you were with someone who meant so much to you and then the time you had together suddenly came to an end? Do you remember how you felt? Imagine with me, if you will, being six years old. Remember that time? Full of hope, joy, love, exuberance, excitement, ideas, plans, and so much more?? Now, close your eyes... Okay we have been through this before... Don't really close them because then how would you be able to read what I am writing to you now... Imagine being a little kid who lives in an orphanage and all of a sudden there are people around that are paying attention to you and making you feel special. Now just as suddenly as they arrived, they are leaving. How do you think you would feel? Can you imagine those feelings?
For me the amount of imagination involved is relatively little. I have known the feelings of abandonment well. I have known feelings of rejection. I have known the feelings of loss and sorrow. It is hard for me to watch those feelings register on the faces of children. Tonight I am struggling myself as memories surface of times gone by, people that I wish were still around, voices that I can't quite remember, embraces that weren't nearly long enough, and the list could go on and on. I can all to clearly remember being six years old and wanting nothing more than for my daddy to notice me, to see me for who I was. When he did notice, I can recall feelings of joy, and when he didn't or he stopped, feelings of intense sorrow. My heart is just a bit heavy for the children that have grown so attached to the team that is in town now and leaving tomorrow. I know that they are resilient children and they will recover quickly, but it doesn't change the fact that I saw something register on the faces of the children in my lap tonight that I won't soon forget. It was a look that plainly said, "You have come and been with me, but why must you leave so soon? Did I do something to make you leave? Are you ever coming back? Will you think of me? Will you remember me?" For this girl, that was almost too much to take in.
Please hear my heart here. The team that has been here has been absolutely amazing. You can feel the love that they have for the children radiating from them. What I am coming to understand is that this is the reality for the children. Visitors come and visitors go. It is just a part of their lives. The thing that I think sticks out the most to me in this case is that there is a truth that is just waiting to be imparted to the children. The truth is this, visitors will come and leave; your parents and families won't be around forever. However, there is one "person" who will be with you in all situations. The only one who can be with you like this is God. He loves you. He has chosen you to be His child. That is special. That makes you special. God will be the one that will stick by your side closer than a brother. He is the one you can ALWAYS count on.
The reality of those statements needs to sink in more deeply every day. Identity can't be found in your family, social status, job, salary, marriage, friends, or any other material possession that you wish to put in this statement. It has to be found in Christ and the plans God has for your life. It's that plain and simple. While my reality tonight is that my heart is heavy for those children, the truth of the matter is this, I have to turn them over to God and pray that He will be their comfort, their source of strength, their EVERYTHING. Because in the end, He is the only one who can provide for all of their needs. I just pray that He allows me to be an instrument in that provision, and that while I am here, I can demonstrate that love and comfort to them.
Tomorrow begins another adventure in life in Kenya. I look forward to sharing more of the journey with you.
Until next time,
Melody
No comments:
Post a Comment